Psalm 34:17-20 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.” Such encouraging words from David who knew all about troubles on earth. And although he was forced to endure them, he was wise enough to understand that there is no struggle too big for God! But what if you had a struggle that seemed way too big? What if, even after asking God for help, you still felt overwhelmed and alone? What if you couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel? That was the same situation I was in this past year. My struggle began as work became more and more difficult. Between a staff shortage and dealing with certain children in my classroom who had behavioral issues, I had a lot on my plate. And I was handling it mostly on my own. I was becoming increasingly stressed with each day, and as a result, I was taking out my frustration on my class. I became impatient. I would snap at them or raise my voice. Even minor issues felt out of my control and would send me over the edge. I was going to bed each night feeling like a terrible teacher. I was beginning to lose my joy in teaching. And it broke my heart. For days I would pray to God when dealing with issues at work. During my moments of weakness, I would ask Him to comfort me so I wouldn’t project my frustration onto my class. I thought that since I was going to God with a request, of course He would give me instant comfort and I would be able to shake off all the feelings I was struggling with in that moment. ….But that didn’t happen. Even after praying, I felt no sense of relief. No comfort. I was left feeling just as frustrated as I was before my prayer. Now I became even more frustrated! Why wouldn’t God help me in my time of need? Why was I not seeing results? Did He even care? It did not make sense. One evening I expressed my issues to my best friend. As I told her about everything that I was dealing with, I suddenly came to a realization. A big part of my frustration was coming from the fact that I was becoming too controlling. All of the things I was not able to control made me feel like I had zero control of my classroom. And ultimately, I felt like I was failing as a teacher because there were certain issues that I knew were beyond my ability to handle. Everyday it became a domino effect of one issue leading into the other, leaving both my students and I feeling stressed out, unhappy, and dissatisfied with being at school. It wasn’t a lack of God’s love or help that became the issue. He is always there to help. But it was my perspective on not only myself, but how I viewed God and the expectation of how I wanted Him to help me. Knowing all of this, what could I do about it? Simple: stop the domino effect by removing the need to control. Ok, maybe not so simple! But it can be achieved! Below are some techniques that have helped me not only in my classroom but in other aspects of life. And you’d be surprised how you can use these techniques in your life as well!
1. LET GO
That’s right - let go of that control! It’s control that is getting in your way and stealing your joy from you. Don’t try to fix everything, especially when the time isn’t appropriate. Know when to walk away.
When one of my students is having a tantrum, in the past I would do my best to control the tantrum so it wouldn’t escalate. I would attempt to talk them through it, reason with them, even use a firm voice and tell them their behavior isn’t acceptable. Was it successful? No! It only left us both feeling more frustrated. I can’t control their feelings or their behavior, but what I can control is my response. Instead of trying desperately to stop the behavior from happening, a more appropriate response would be this:
“I can see you are feeling very upset right now. If you need some space, I will stay close by. When you are ready, call me and I will be here to help you.”
Acknowledging their emotions, giving them space, and offering help when they are ready shows an acceptance of the situation but still doing your best.
What about our other relationships? What else do we try to control? Which situations do we have a hard time walking away from? Even if we think we know what’s best for others, is it our place to make those changes? The only people we can change is ourselves. God has given us the gift of free will, and in turn He expects us to treat others the same. And this also applies to our brothers and sisters when dealing with sinful choices in their lives! It’s not easy to walk away when we see someone we care about making decisions that are harming themselves or others. So in those cases, how should we respond? Let’s take a look at a scripture in Galatians:
Galatians 6:1-2
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Similar to an appropriate response to a child throwing a tantrum, we need to approach our brothers and sisters in the same way; through patience and gentleness, acknowledging their feelings, and offering help. If they refuse to receive help and carry on in their sin, understand that there is nothing else you can do except pray and trust that God will speak to them in other ways in order to get through to them. Let go and accept the situation for what it is. Sin is dangerous territory! The more we try to reason and argue with people, the more frustrated we become, which could result in sinful reactions on our part. It could also open the door to other sinful habits as well. We have a duty to protect our own hearts from any harmful situation we may encounter. That may require some healthy boundaries with these relationships. Use wisdom, stay close with God, and always be open to help anyone who is seeking repentance. Until that moment comes, the rest is to be left in God’s hands!
2. LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE
There is no doubt that working with young children can be emotionally draining. Some days it takes every bit of patience in me to deal with the chaos of the everyday routine - and to add tantrums on top of that? Talk about overwhelming! But believe it or not, when a child is having a tantrum, they are not trying to be disrespectful or difficult. In fact, they are not even in control of their behavior in that moment! During a temper tantrum, the amygdala (which processes emotions) detects a threat, which causes the hypothalamus to snap (which controls functions like heart rate and temperature). Children who are having tantrums are not able to think logically because the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed. As a result, their bodies are responding - not their sense of reasoning. Ok, so it all makes sense…. but it’s not so easy to accept! Everyone wants to be respected and to be treated kindly and fairly. So when tiny humans are screaming, throwing things, and even hitting us, our initial response is to get angry. But if we take a step back and look at the bigger picture, it becomes easier to handle. We need to realize that their out of control behavior is not a reflection on us, but a result of their emotional immaturity. And as long as they have trustworthy adults in their lives to respond appropriately to their big emotions, they will gradually learn how to express themselves appropriately. What about the other relationships in our lives? Is it triggering for you when not only children, but adults are disrespectful towards you? And when (not if) it happens, how should we respond to their “big emotions?” Colossians 3:12-14 “Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” We need to understand that those who do us wrong are not spiritually mature. Maybe in certain areas they are, but there may be other areas that need improvement. And it isn’t up to us to make the improvements happen. The best we can do is bring it to their attention, just as scripture says. Don’t hold it against them. Be patient with those who are trying their best to grow and mature. This isn’t just pertaining to our brothers and sisters in Christ. What about our other relationships? Or the strangers we bump into during the day? Or our enemies? Yes, even our enemies need forgiveness! Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Unfair and rude actions from others is not pleasant to deal with, but it’s not something to necessarily be offended with. If we take a step back, we will realize that people with this mentality are very far from God in that moment. And these people need our forgiveness and prayers. Instead of taking it personally, we aught to take these issues in prayer to our Father who will help us through it! 3. RESPOND WITH LOVE
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
When I’m feeling overwhelmed at work, I’m not always patient. I can become easily angered. And it’s hard to not keep a record of wrong in my heart as I deal with the same issues from the same students on a regular basis. I will notice myself reacting out of emotion rather than responding with good intent. When this happens, I ask myself the following questions:
What is my ultimate goal in the classroom?
Are my current reactions helping to achieve this goal?
How can I work towards responding in love rather than reacting solely on my own emotions?
My ultimate goal in the classroom is to educate my students academically, socially, physically, and emotionally. In order to reinforce this goal, every decision I make should have the intent of teaching. If my reactions are not teaching my students, then I need to understand why and think of new ways of responding that will be beneficial to their learning. Referring back to this scripture will keep my focus on showing love through each response I have.
Instead of getting frustrated when one of my students refuses to share, I can show patience by taking the time to come up with a plan with both students. This response will teach the class how to problem solve and work together.
Instead of giving up when a student isn’t grasping a certain concept, I can show perseverance by thinking of new activities that may help them better understand what I am trying to teach. This response will teach the class to understand their strengths and not give up on learning.
Instead of brushing aside emotions in the classroom, I can show kindness by comforting them and using phrases such as, “I see you are feeling sad, angry, disappointed, etc. It’s ok to feel this way. Let’s go to the calm down area and find something we can do to work through our feelings.” This response will teach the class to understand their feelings and practice self-control.
As Christians, we all have the same goal we are working towards - to grow closer to God and help others learn about Him too! How can we do this? By demonstrating love! Through our loving responses, we are showing others how to navigate through the world in the same way Jesus did. He always demonstrated love to everyone, no matter the circumstance. And through His love, He taught so many people about the way to salvation. He planted seeds in their hearts, which led to their decision to follow Him obediently. We aught to follow His example and view every situation as an opportunity to respond in love. This will help us achieve our goal and teach others about what Christianity is all about. It may take a lot of patience, perseverance, and even kindness - but remember that responding with love will always lead to planting seeds. And that will always bring success!
So in the end, God didn’t give me instant comfort or relief when dealing with my issues at work. But He gave me something even better: He opened my eyes to the importance of changing my perspective. A perspective that made me see my worth as a teacher, regardless of my ability to help with certain issues. A perspective that taught me to let go of control. A perspective that helped me to take a step back look at each situation as a whole. A perspective that reminded me to respond in love rather than react on emotion. This is one of the many wonderful ways in which God works in our lives! His comfort comes from his staff and rod (Psalm 23:4) which he uses to guide and direct us down the path of righteousness. He does this so we are better equipped for new struggles that await us in the future. There is no avoiding it - we will all have struggles in life. Jesus says so Himself in John 16:33. But God will always be there to help us make it to the other side! As long as we have a godly perspective, we can shift our focus off of the trouble itself and on to the lessons and growth that comes with it!
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